Perhaps, dear readers, you can help me with an issue that’s been bothering me for some time now. I’m mystified by the concepts of time, timing, and scheduling and how they can mean such different things to different people. This comes up primarily in the context of dating, but it is not exclusively a dating issue.
Let me clarify. I am a doer (do-er?). What this means is that when I’m talking to someone and we get a good idea for something fun to do, for example, “a murder mystery party? Sounds like a fantastic idea,” the next sentence out of my mouth is not “let’s do it sometime,” but it’s “let’s pick a date. How about next Saturday?” “Dim sum?” “Sure! What are you doing this weekend?” I don’t want to hear the word “sometime.” I want to know when.
I’m trying to figure out if this is a gender-specific phenomenon. If so, it might make me a little more understanding. If men just don’t think this way, then I can’t really expect them to. So — what do you all think? All comments, stories, suggestions, and thoughts are welcome.
* A tribute to the Rolling Stones song of the same name.
Comments
11 responses to “Time is on My Side* (or is it?)”
Well, I’m a female and my mind definitely does not think like that. Its one of those things that is so obvious and makes so much sense that you don’t think of it until someone points it out.
I’m going to make a point of responding that way the next time someone I know suggests doing something, by God!
“Hey Norah! We really should go visit some antique shops. Haven’t done that in ages.”
My response will be “Excellent! How about next Saturday!” or whatever.
I am a When-Person. I want to know when. I love to do things, get togethers, outings; what have you. From my experience, the ones that say ‘sometime’ I have found never fall through.
Not in all cases, but I haven’t found that there is a prediliction to gender in the ‘sometime’ nor the ‘when’ speakers.
I would much rather have heard nothing than ‘sometime.’ When you get your hopes up, or you put your heart into something and it doesn’t get fulfilled, that is when I wish that nothing would fill the silence of ‘sometime.’
I’ll think about this sometime.
We, men, are non-committal. Our feet get cold easily. We memorize where the exit signs are, before our blind dates start. Yeah, EXIT strategy… Saying “sometimes” leaves us that gaping exit. 🙂
I’m not sure if it’s a male-female thing, though I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me and my neurosis of not liking anything written in stone.
Hah, nice introduction, eh? Nice to meet you, too. 🙂 Love your blog.
Virginia — you are a woman after my own heart. Amen, sister. Joey — looks like we won’t be dating anytime soon, but nice to meet you!
Actually, guys aren’t all noncommittal. I’m like you. If I suggest something to someone, I’d like to set up a time. The “let’s do lunch” gets old after a while.
I dated a guy who is a do-er, and I am a “sometime-er,” definitely the non-committal of the two of us. It can be quite disturbing to be dreaming of a trip somewhere and have someone show up with tickets the following week. He set times as we discussed plans. It is not a gender specific thing at all 🙂
I don’t think it’s a gender thing … I think it’s a New York thing.
For example, when non-NYers visit NYC they’re always appalled that when someone asks “how are you?” they don’t actually wait for an answer … it’s just the opening formality for a conversation.
So when someone from NY says to me “we should get a drink sometime to catch up”, I just nod my head unless I get a second or third invitation in the same conversation, at which point I might take him seriously. One guy even did a double-fake-out of saying “… and let’s not just say that but let’s really get together” and then proceeded to change the topic. Very seasoned NYer there.
oh man, you know I love doing things but am totally a sometime-er.
Really? I took you for a do-er!
Well, if this is a NYC thing, that’s good to know. I heard that a few times on my last (first) visit, and as a “do’er” I did follow through. This was with other Non-NYC folks in the City for the Summer. I will have to try this with the natives on my next visit.