No time for commentary at the moment, although I've got plenty to say.
The updated singles map (things start to really suck in NYC after I hit 39, apparently); here's the old one for your reference.
A Glimpse into Dating in NYC
No time for commentary at the moment, although I've got plenty to say. The updated singles map (things start to really suck in NYC after I hit 39, apparently); here's…
Comments
16 responses
I read that post on thefrisky you mentioned … it sounded like the author might have been called “insane” and “crazy” a few too many times.
Do you really know any guys in NYC who are like that? Over the age of, like, 21? Sitting around and drinking beer ’til they vomit and playing Jackass or whatever it is?
I read that post on thefrisky you mentioned … it sounded like the author might have been called “insane” and “crazy” a few too many times.
Do you really know any guys in NYC who are like that? Over the age of, like, 21? Sitting around and drinking beer ’til they vomit and playing Jackass or whatever it is?
It seems like I know a lot of guys who are a slightly more grown-up version of that — not quite frat parties and beer pong, but in no rush to settle down — in their 30’s.
It seems like I know a lot of guys who are a slightly more grown-up version of that — not quite frat parties and beer pong, but in no rush to settle down — in their 30’s.
Mmmmm, yeah. But I feel like the “Guyland” guys are guys who lack direction in their personal lives and careers. As Kimmel puts it “Their jobs, if they have them, are modest, low-paying, low-prestige ones in the service sector or entry-level corporate jobs that leave them with plenty of time to party…”
They’re guys who are, y’know, living in their parents basement or something.
There are plenty of other guys who are focused and driven and just don’t want to get married … that doesn’t mean they’re immature; it’s just as valid a choice as not wanting to have kids…
Mmmmm, yeah. But I feel like the “Guyland” guys are guys who lack direction in their personal lives and careers. As Kimmel puts it “Their jobs, if they have them, are modest, low-paying, low-prestige ones in the service sector or entry-level corporate jobs that leave them with plenty of time to party…”
They’re guys who are, y’know, living in their parents basement or something.
There are plenty of other guys who are focused and driven and just don’t want to get married … that doesn’t mean they’re immature; it’s just as valid a choice as not wanting to have kids…
Fair enough. But do these focused and driven guys plan on behaving that way until their 40’s and then decide they want to “grow up” then? How does that work? Or do they just stay (happily?) unmarried forever?
Fair enough. But do these focused and driven guys plan on behaving that way until their 40’s and then decide they want to “grow up” then? How does that work? Or do they just stay (happily?) unmarried forever?
My aunt from the suburbs of boston called me today to tell me that she heard of this book and immediately thought of me….(thanks a lot!). She was laughing as this “Peter Pan phenomena” is what i have been complaining to her about for 2 years. These men have jobs, are relatively mature in certain areas, are successful, hell, even desired by gads of females, yet never seem to want to settle with one person. Its hurtful and disappointing for women who are just looking for a male counterpart to be with, have a bit of seriousness with. I’m not even talking about marriage- just temporary monogamy! After much discussion with my female friends, Its interesting how this identifies with so many females, yet men are very reluctant to admit it! And, why isn’t the reverse true? Independent, smart, sexually liberal, successful women are never as desired or pursued as much as the women who don’t challenge themselves as much. And they certainly don’t get their pick of the litter as their male counterparts do!
My aunt from the suburbs of boston called me today to tell me that she heard of this book and immediately thought of me….(thanks a lot!). She was laughing as this “Peter Pan phenomena” is what i have been complaining to her about for 2 years. These men have jobs, are relatively mature in certain areas, are successful, hell, even desired by gads of females, yet never seem to want to settle with one person. Its hurtful and disappointing for women who are just looking for a male counterpart to be with, have a bit of seriousness with. I’m not even talking about marriage- just temporary monogamy! After much discussion with my female friends, Its interesting how this identifies with so many females, yet men are very reluctant to admit it! And, why isn’t the reverse true? Independent, smart, sexually liberal, successful women are never as desired or pursued as much as the women who don’t challenge themselves as much. And they certainly don’t get their pick of the litter as their male counterparts do!
Laren, that is a good question with probably multiple answers:
First, I think to some extent (and I’ve written about this on my blog) having lots of options makes it hard to pick just one — perhaps why my friends in NYC are still mostly single and my friends in small towns are mostly married or settled down. It’s the paradox of choice– too many options (when it comes to anything) can be paralyzing, ’cause you want to be sure you’ve chosen the “best” one.
Second, some guys are probably just scared of commitment after seeing their parents get divorced. (As someone in that category I certainly think it’s shaped my view of relationships). It was really the 70s when no-fault divorce laws ’caused an explosion of divorces, so the kids of that era are now in their 30s…
Third, sexual liberation means that guys don’t really have to offer serious commit to “get laid.” Why buy the milk …
Four – and you might not like this one – but I think to some extent some guys view many modern American women as just too high-maintenance. Like that girl on thefrisky you linked to, who talks a lot about what she wants from guys and relationships, but doesn’t really mention what she has to offer (other than her vagina) and lumps watching football all day in with funneling beers until you vomit. Ummm, as someone who _likes_ to watch football, she sounds like maybe a bit of a nag. I’d even like a girlfriend who would fetch me and my buddies beers and chicken wings while we watch the game! (And no, I don’t think that is any more sexist than girls who expect guys to buy them dinner etc.)
Just my two cents. I’m sure some will settle down eventually, and others I guess won’t?
Milda – I think it comes down to that men and women find different things sexy? Like guys are more looks-oriented and just aren’t as interested in their mates’ achievements. I was reading this even held true in the Olympic Village — male gold medal athletes clean up, while female ones aren’t looked upon as any sexier than those who flunk out in the first round. Also as noted if you are “desired by gads of females” again that makes it even harder to choose just one… see Clooney, G.
Laren, that is a good question with probably multiple answers:
First, I think to some extent (and I’ve written about this on my blog) having lots of options makes it hard to pick just one — perhaps why my friends in NYC are still mostly single and my friends in small towns are mostly married or settled down. It’s the paradox of choice– too many options (when it comes to anything) can be paralyzing, ’cause you want to be sure you’ve chosen the “best” one.
Second, some guys are probably just scared of commitment after seeing their parents get divorced. (As someone in that category I certainly think it’s shaped my view of relationships). It was really the 70s when no-fault divorce laws ’caused an explosion of divorces, so the kids of that era are now in their 30s…
Third, sexual liberation means that guys don’t really have to offer serious commit to “get laid.” Why buy the milk …
Four – and you might not like this one – but I think to some extent some guys view many modern American women as just too high-maintenance. Like that girl on thefrisky you linked to, who talks a lot about what she wants from guys and relationships, but doesn’t really mention what she has to offer (other than her vagina) and lumps watching football all day in with funneling beers until you vomit. Ummm, as someone who _likes_ to watch football, she sounds like maybe a bit of a nag. I’d even like a girlfriend who would fetch me and my buddies beers and chicken wings while we watch the game! (And no, I don’t think that is any more sexist than girls who expect guys to buy them dinner etc.)
Just my two cents. I’m sure some will settle down eventually, and others I guess won’t?
Milda – I think it comes down to that men and women find different things sexy? Like guys are more looks-oriented and just aren’t as interested in their mates’ achievements. I was reading this even held true in the Olympic Village — male gold medal athletes clean up, while female ones aren’t looked upon as any sexier than those who flunk out in the first round. Also as noted if you are “desired by gads of females” again that makes it even harder to choose just one… see Clooney, G.
My view is a bit diff.
1. Girls just don’t want a “temporary monogamy” relationship. Seriously, some girl you date for four months isn’t going to start making plans for the future…pifft. Guys know this so you only get a couple of dates until we see you start to push the whole next month plans.
2. NYC does present a lot of beautiful ladies. Truth of the matter is that where you work and what you make matters. Look at engagement rings in NYC compared to the rest of the world. Guys really don’t get into the whole notion of a 10-20K ring for an engagement and you see them all over the city. FAKE!
3. There is a young girl getting off a plane, train and bus in NYC today. She has a tight body at 22-27 and works hard to keep it as such. She is smart, well read and not looking for anything too serious in terms of pushing next month on you…who do you think a guy is going to go for?
In closing, best of luck!
My view is a bit diff.
1. Girls just don’t want a “temporary monogamy” relationship. Seriously, some girl you date for four months isn’t going to start making plans for the future…pifft. Guys know this so you only get a couple of dates until we see you start to push the whole next month plans.
2. NYC does present a lot of beautiful ladies. Truth of the matter is that where you work and what you make matters. Look at engagement rings in NYC compared to the rest of the world. Guys really don’t get into the whole notion of a 10-20K ring for an engagement and you see them all over the city. FAKE!
3. There is a young girl getting off a plane, train and bus in NYC today. She has a tight body at 22-27 and works hard to keep it as such. She is smart, well read and not looking for anything too serious in terms of pushing next month on you…who do you think a guy is going to go for?
In closing, best of luck!
I must say as a longtime male resident (in my 30s) of NYC that most of the women here that are 30+ work just as hard at staying trim and fit as those in their 20’s. The author of this blog is a good example, have you seen her in person? There is also an added benefit to the 30’s set; their added life experience has gifted them with a mellower outlook and interesting conversation topics. Most importantly I have found they know what they want, and what men want, in bed.
I must say as a longtime male resident (in my 30s) of NYC that most of the women here that are 30+ work just as hard at staying trim and fit as those in their 20’s. The author of this blog is a good example, have you seen her in person? There is also an added benefit to the 30’s set; their added life experience has gifted them with a mellower outlook and interesting conversation topics. Most importantly I have found they know what they want, and what men want, in bed.