I have to say that this article in the Atlantic, "Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough," was one of the most depressing and, in my opinion, completely off-base articles I have read in quite a while. It was written by a single mom by choice in her early 40’s or so, who seems to think that, as women get older, their only chance to find happiness (read marriage) is to settle. And so once you hit about 35 or so, you should take her brilliant advice: "Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection.
Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in
movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics.
Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a
family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact,
settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of
those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with
each passing year."
Geez. First of all, this implies that women in their thirties have a never-ending supply of dates that we are rejecting merely because we are being "too picky." Now as some longer-term readers may recall, I have been accused of being too picky or of having too high standards — my response then, as it is now, is that it’s not like there are lines of single, available, sane men hanging
around to date me if only my standards were lower. I meet tons of
guys, but they’re taken, hung up on an ex, workaholics, players, or, as
they say, "just not into me." Or I’m just not into them. The ones that don’t fall into any of those categories and end up as dates have never, not ever, been cast aside because of something as superficial as an irritating habit, or even because things don’t seem crazy passionate on day one. Sure, I’ve got to want to kiss the guy to get things started, but they usually work out from there. On a side note, this is why it drives me up a wall when I hear guys talk about how they’re looking for fireworks or some such — in my world, every relationship that has started out with fireworks has crashed and burned into flames, so fireworks do not equal the perfect guy. If I’m attracted to him and enjoy his company, that’s enough to get the ball rolling in my book — I don’t think that’s being picky at all.
Second of all, anyone who enters a marriage with expectations of unflagging passion till death without an ounce of effort (the great expectations to which she refers), is an idiot. Marriage is hard. Don’t go into it unless you are willing to do the work and you know how to communicate with your partner. Just this week I have heard two reports from the marriage front that were certainly not all roses and sunshine, and I don’t expect it to be that way. I still hope for it, but I am thoroughly enjoying the single life I have now, and am even hoping that it will decrease my odds of ending up divorced in the long run when I ultimately do get married.
Regardless, I thought the article was ridiculous.