So it’s Saturday, I let myself sleep ridiculously late in preparation for what may be late night at the bday bash, and I’m puttering around the apartment, listening to Jonathan Schwartz on WNYC. I just heard two of the most depressing Sondheim songs: Sorry, Grateful, from Company, which attempts to describe the characters’ feeling about his marriage, and Saturday Night from Saturday Night about how if you’re alone on a Saturday night when you’re single, "you might as well be dead." Jeez.
This brings me back to a conversation I had yesterday with some married and formerly married female work colleagues, most of whom are somewhat older than I am — they were basically saying that husbands were great to have around for reproduction purposes, but then they essentially wore out their welcome. I sat there with a panicked grin on my face, then finally turned and said, "so I should pretty much stick with single life, huh?." "No," one replied, "not if you want a family." Yes, I do want a family, but I don’t want to be unhappily married. Look — I figure I’m increasing my odds of a good, healthy marriage the later it happens. Even if I met the perfect guy for me tomorrow (or tonight at the birthday party, perhaps), we’d have to have a relationship for a while, so by the time we actually get married, I’ll be solidly in my mid-to-late thirties. I would like to hope that would help to prevent the "bitter married" attitute.
And I generally really enjoy being single (well, except when I’m sick), but I don’t want to lose hope that I’ll end up in a meaningful, healthy relationship that will ultimately turn into a healthy, long-lasting marriage and a family.
Some of you married folks out there, gimme some hope, will ya? And single folks — we don’t have it bad at all, right?
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12 responses
Methinks you need to find a hubby.
After a certain time out of college, being single yields diminishing returns.
Methinks you need to find a hubby.
After a certain time out of college, being single yields diminishing returns.
you do sound lonely…lower your standards some, it might do wonders for your domestic life.
you do sound lonely…lower your standards some, it might do wonders for your domestic life.
The best thing for me (and the ongoing viability of my marriage) was waiting until I was in my thirties to get married and become a daddy. If my wife knew me in my twenties there’s no way she would have given me more than a minute of her time – I was quite an asshat back then and not really ready to be a responsible adult (wait, did I just imply I was a responsible adult.. never mind)
And thirty is the new twenty anyway, and fourty the new thirty. So waiting isn’t so bad.
The best thing for me (and the ongoing viability of my marriage) was waiting until I was in my thirties to get married and become a daddy. If my wife knew me in my twenties there’s no way she would have given me more than a minute of her time – I was quite an asshat back then and not really ready to be a responsible adult (wait, did I just imply I was a responsible adult.. never mind)
And thirty is the new twenty anyway, and fourty the new thirty. So waiting isn’t so bad.
Marrying to have kids-I have seen it too many times, it is always terrible whether the guy is doing it or the girl is. As long as you don’t do that I think you will be A-ok. And also, being single is awesome.
Marrying to have kids-I have seen it too many times, it is always terrible whether the guy is doing it or the girl is. As long as you don’t do that I think you will be A-ok. And also, being single is awesome.
Lonely? Are you kidding me?! Do you read this blog? My social life is incredibly rich and full, and I do have an active dating life, and am getting all the perks that go along with that. And as far as lowering my standards goes, first of all, I am not, and have never been, one of those women who are so fucking picky that nobody is good enough. I’m not perfect and I’m not looking for someone who is. I am, however, looking for someone who is right for me. You have NO idea what I’m looking for in a significant other, so don’t tell me I’m being too picky. Jeez.
I don’t mean to be hostile, but I’ve taken a lot of personal attacks this week. On Gothamist, I have to remain somewhat calm, but on my site, I certainly don’t have to.
And as Ms. GirlyNYC says, being single is awesome. I’m certainly going to enjoy it while I can because one day, I might not be single anymore.
Lonely? Are you kidding me?! Do you read this blog? My social life is incredibly rich and full, and I do have an active dating life, and am getting all the perks that go along with that. And as far as lowering my standards goes, first of all, I am not, and have never been, one of those women who are so fucking picky that nobody is good enough. I’m not perfect and I’m not looking for someone who is. I am, however, looking for someone who is right for me. You have NO idea what I’m looking for in a significant other, so don’t tell me I’m being too picky. Jeez.
I don’t mean to be hostile, but I’ve taken a lot of personal attacks this week. On Gothamist, I have to remain somewhat calm, but on my site, I certainly don’t have to.
And as Ms. GirlyNYC says, being single is awesome. I’m certainly going to enjoy it while I can because one day, I might not be single anymore.
there there… i really liked the refreshing optimism of your shy hope that perhaps there might be a Nice Man at the birthday party. One thing i miss about singleism – just quietly – is the potential to turn up a new thing any night you get yourself out and about.
And as i married in my late twenties there’d been a good decade to get used to that feeling of eternal seeking.
but you know you can get used to anything. and life isn’t meant to be an endless smorgasbord, or we become gluttons, piling up plates and going back for another round of dessert. so while all this might sound like the death of dreaming, and wives words sound prosaic, like you said, there are good and bad things to be found in either situation, it depends on one to make the better of it.
yes..i might just remind myself of that another time.
and you know something else, do do kick those heels up, because it is undeniable that they won’t go quite as high when you’re carrying a toddler or two.
there there… i really liked the refreshing optimism of your shy hope that perhaps there might be a Nice Man at the birthday party. One thing i miss about singleism – just quietly – is the potential to turn up a new thing any night you get yourself out and about.
And as i married in my late twenties there’d been a good decade to get used to that feeling of eternal seeking.
but you know you can get used to anything. and life isn’t meant to be an endless smorgasbord, or we become gluttons, piling up plates and going back for another round of dessert. so while all this might sound like the death of dreaming, and wives words sound prosaic, like you said, there are good and bad things to be found in either situation, it depends on one to make the better of it.
yes..i might just remind myself of that another time.
and you know something else, do do kick those heels up, because it is undeniable that they won’t go quite as high when you’re carrying a toddler or two.