People from my past often track me down via this blog.  I am constantly shocked how many of them, during the course of an email, will say something to the effect of "I can’t believe you’re not married," or "I thought you’d be the first person to get married."  I understand this to some degree.  To people in my past (let’s just call it high school through about a year past law school or so), I was the one who always had a boyfriend.  I went from one to the next to the next, without enough time between to become truly comfortable with myself and with being alone. 

For people who have met me more recently, they are often surprised that I don’t have a boyfriend.  I have, from time to time, and I definitely go on dates, but things are very different now than they were back in the day.  And everyone, especially the married folks, has a theory about why I’m currently single.  One of my readers  (whom I’ve never met) commented the other day that maybe it’s because I’m "not a nice person in real life, have cats, or have issues."  He did add the caveat that we all have issues (and I’ll agree to that).  Today’s theory, from a friend and former co-worker, is that my "standards are too high."  Um . . . have you read about the jackasses?  My absolute base standard is "not a jackass."  Granted, I also like guys who are smart, attractive, treat me well, and call/make plans when they say they will.  I hardly think this is setting the bar too high.  Sure, there’s more to it than that, if we’re talking true boyfriend material, but for a few dates, at least until I get to know someone, that’s where we start.  And let’s assume for a moment that my standards are, in fact, too high.  It’s not like there are lines of single, available, sane men hanging around to date me if only my standards were lower.  I meet tons of guys, but they’re taken, hung up on an ex, workaholics, players, or, as they say, "just not into me."  Or I’m just not into them.  My point is, dating, and especially dating in New York City, is not that simple, or that clear-cut.  And I have plenty of friends in the same boat as I am.  So feel free to throw out your theories — I’ll try to address them.