Just a few comments on some recent news items.
Category: Life
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In the News
- First — Love, Internet Style, from this Saturday’s New York Times. This article rests on the premise that online dating is slowing down courtship in “the Age of the Hook-Up.” (Age of the Hook-Up? Why wasn’t I notified that we’re living in the Age of the Hook-Up?! Damn!) The article goes on to describe how courtship is prolonged through extended emailing, and then somewhat awkward dating. When courtship proceeds at this leisurely pace, folks are less likely to jump into bed. I agree. It seems pretty clear to me, however, that the author of this article has never tried online dating. In the beginning, I played the courtship game — the endless, witty email banter, then a phone call, and finally, a real live date. On which there were, in all likelihood, zero sparks. After a few rounds of leisurely courtship, I tried to fast-forward the process to real-life speed — meet the guy as soon as possible. You can tell pretty damn quickly if there’s going to be any sort of chemistry. If I met someone at a party, this is the way it would work. There wouldn’t be any letter-writing exchange; we’d talk and see if any sparks flew. If they did, great, we’d go out. If not, nice to meet ya. Regardless, I’m giving the online thing a break for the time being. Too many guys, not enough sparks.
- Second — the Citizens Budget Commission released a study showing that New York State taxes are the highest in the nation. As far as I’m concerned, sometimes the good stuff is worth a little extra cash.
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In the News
Just a few comments on some recent news items.
- First — Love, Internet Style, from this Saturday’s New York Times. This article rests on the premise that online dating is slowing down courtship in “the Age of the Hook-Up.” (Age of the Hook-Up? Why wasn’t I notified that we’re living in the Age of the Hook-Up?! Damn!) The article goes on to describe how courtship is prolonged through extended emailing, and then somewhat awkward dating. When courtship proceeds at this leisurely pace, folks are less likely to jump into bed. I agree. It seems pretty clear to me, however, that the author of this article has never tried online dating. In the beginning, I played the courtship game — the endless, witty email banter, then a phone call, and finally, a real live date. On which there were, in all likelihood, zero sparks. After a few rounds of leisurely courtship, I tried to fast-forward the process to real-life speed — meet the guy as soon as possible. You can tell pretty damn quickly if there’s going to be any sort of chemistry. If I met someone at a party, this is the way it would work. There wouldn’t be any letter-writing exchange; we’d talk and see if any sparks flew. If they did, great, we’d go out. If not, nice to meet ya. Regardless, I’m giving the online thing a break for the time being. Too many guys, not enough sparks.
- Second — the Citizens Budget Commission released a study showing that New York State taxes are the highest in the nation. As far as I’m concerned, sometimes the good stuff is worth a little extra cash.
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The Perfect Non-Date/Date
Last week, I went on a perfect date. We started out at Caracas, the Venezuelan arepa bar in the East Village for a light snack. Conversation flowed effortlessly. We moved on to see a performance of Matt & Ben at P.S. 122, a funny play made all the more endearing because my date and I had both gone to college in Somerville, Mass, where the play was set. We finished off the evening over coffee and tea at Mudspot, where we realized that not only did we get most of our information from the same media outlets (Salon.com, the New Yorker, and Gothamist, among others), but that we both had been putting money away in our ING Orange accounts. What a coincidence — we had so much in common!
The only problem with the date was that it was with Doug, one of my closest friends. Doug is happily engaged, and was in fact recently featured in a Salon.com article highlighting groom weblogs. (Isn’t he fantastic? Smart, funny, witty, and sensitive — and he cooks too!) Doug is one of the reasons that other guys I go on actual dates with never quite seem to measure up.
So, here’s to Doug — thank you for making sure that I end up with a guy who’s at least as amazing, smart, funny, thoughtful, and talented as you are, and for supporting me while I sort through the junk.
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And on a serious note . . .
Many times I have wondered about how I might possibly juggle work and family life. Not that this is an immediate concern, mind you, given the fact that I haven’t even gone on a date in a while, but I was thinking about it recently because of an article in Sunday’s NYT magazine. Lisa Belkin, who often writes about employment issues, described what she termed the “opt-out revolution,” a wave of well-educated women who aren’t climbing the career ladder because they choose not to.
That’s all fine and dandy for these women, since they are all part of two-parent families where the husband is making a big fat salary. In my future, however, I see things turning out somewhat differently. First, no matter what line of business my perspective spouse is in, my own salary is likely to max out pretty quickly — the non-profit world is not a moneymaker. Second, there may not be a spouse at all, let alone a high-salaried one. Although I don’t like to think about it, there is a chance that I may end up making the decision to raise a child by myself. Finally, my dream spouse is much more likely to be an artist, a schoolteacher, or a legal aid lawyer than a corporate lawyer or a banker — this is a good thing.
Sometimes I wonder — I have the capacity to earn a much bigger salary as a corporate lawyer — could I ever go back? Not likely, certainly not for anything other than a short-term stint. Maybe I should reconsider dating those corporate lawyers and investment bankers . . . hmm.
Note — as pointed out my one of my cohorts, there was a Salon article that’s more in line with my thinking on this issue.
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And on a serious note . . .
Many times I have wondered about how I might possibly juggle work and family life. Not that this is an immediate concern, mind you, given the fact that I haven’t even gone on a date in a while, but I was thinking about it recently because of an article in Sunday’s NYT magazine. Lisa Belkin, who often writes about employment issues, described what she termed the “opt-out revolution,” a wave of well-educated women who aren’t climbing the career ladder because they choose not to.
That’s all fine and dandy for these women, since they are all part of two-parent families where the husband is making a big fat salary. In my future, however, I see things turning out somewhat differently. First, no matter what line of business my perspective spouse is in, my own salary is likely to max out pretty quickly — the non-profit world is not a moneymaker. Second, there may not be a spouse at all, let alone a high-salaried one. Although I don’t like to think about it, there is a chance that I may end up making the decision to raise a child by myself. Finally, my dream spouse is much more likely to be an artist, a schoolteacher, or a legal aid lawyer than a corporate lawyer or a banker — this is a good thing.
Sometimes I wonder — I have the capacity to earn a much bigger salary as a corporate lawyer — could I ever go back? Not likely, certainly not for anything other than a short-term stint. Maybe I should reconsider dating those corporate lawyers and investment bankers . . . hmm.
Note — as pointed out my one of my cohorts, there was a Salon article that’s more in line with my thinking on this issue.
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Slim Pickins
New York Daily News – News & Views – A single state of mind
The Daily News reports that “[i]t’s official: New York has the hottest singles scene in America. The U.S. Census Bureau released a report yesterday showing New York has a greater percentage of bachelors and bachelorettes than any other state – and most of the singles are in the city.” Also of note is the fact that there are “86 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women.”
So according to my (extremely non-scientific) calculations, at least 10% of the single male population is gay, and at least 85% of the straight men are jackasses. That leaves approximately 12 straight, non-jackass men for every 90 women (I’m calculating 10% gay on that side of the equation as well).
Fantastic.
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Slim Pickins
New York Daily News – News & Views – A single state of mind
The Daily News reports that “[i]t’s official: New York has the hottest singles scene in America. The U.S. Census Bureau released a report yesterday showing New York has a greater percentage of bachelors and bachelorettes than any other state – and most of the singles are in the city.” Also of note is the fact that there are “86 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women.”
So according to my (extremely non-scientific) calculations, at least 10% of the single male population is gay, and at least 85% of the straight men are jackasses. That leaves approximately 12 straight, non-jackass men for every 90 women (I’m calculating 10% gay on that side of the equation as well).
Fantastic.
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Height May Make or Break Your Career
Well, it’s certainly the case in my office. Damn genes.
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Height May Make or Break Your Career
Well, it’s certainly the case in my office. Damn genes.
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Member of the Tribe
I was reading an article in Salon yesterday about Urban Tribes. I remember reading the article about this in the New York Times when it came out and thinking, “wow — someone’s been spying on my life.” It really hit home for me.
I am part of an urban tribe, and I am proud to be part of it. Now, I haven’t read the book yet, (and perhaps some of this is covered) but I feel that this is a fitting time to put my B.A. in Sociology to good use and throw in my take on the urban tribe theory. First of all, each person is the center of his or her own tribe. For example, I would say that my “core” tribe is mostly Tufts people — the ones I go away to OJ with. But not all of these folks are in New York — therefore, I have made other friends here. In addition, I moved back to NYC to go to law school, so I have a number of friends from there. Finally, I have met many people through work. The following Venn Diagram may shed some light on the matter.
Well, maybe not (I just thought the Venn Diagram was cool). I would love to map out my “tribe” someday. One of my tribal members was just telling me that she knew someone who had developed an equation to map out one’s Friendster connections. A good tribal diagram would be like that, but with real friends, not just random acquaintances that happen to be online.
My point is that each of us may define the boundaries and members of our own tribe slightly differently than others in the same tribe. Or, think of it like this. If each of us could invite 20 people to a dinner party, we’d all have about 12-15 of the same people on our invite list, but the other ones would vary. This, however, is the very factor that keeps the tribes interesting and prevents stagnation. We don’t want to get sick of each other.
Another point that I’ve made over and over again is that one of the reasons that dating can be somewhat challenging for me is because of my tribe. I have been blessed with great friends, and my free time is limited. If someone can’t interest me enough to make me want to spend a fraction of my free time with him rather than with my friends, what’s the point? Similarly, he should like my friends, because they are a huge part of my life.
So — come and meet my tribe. I’m thinking of having a tribal gathering soon . . . stay tuned!