Category: Life

  • Member of the Tribe

    I was reading an article in Salon yesterday about Urban Tribes. I remember reading the article about this in the New York Times when it came out and thinking, “wow — someone’s been spying on my life.” It really hit home for me.

    I am part of an urban tribe, and I am proud to be part of it. Now, I haven’t read the book yet, (and perhaps some of this is covered) but I feel that this is a fitting time to put my B.A. in Sociology to good use and throw in my take on the urban tribe theory. First of all, each person is the center of his or her own tribe. For example, I would say that my “core” tribe is mostly Tufts people — the ones I go away to OJ with. But not all of these folks are in New York — therefore, I have made other friends here. In addition, I moved back to NYC to go to law school, so I have a number of friends from there. Finally, I have met many people through work. The following Venn Diagram may shed some light on the matter.


    venn.gif

    Well, maybe not (I just thought the Venn Diagram was cool). I would love to map out my “tribe” someday. One of my tribal members was just telling me that she knew someone who had developed an equation to map out one’s Friendster connections. A good tribal diagram would be like that, but with real friends, not just random acquaintances that happen to be online.

    My point is that each of us may define the boundaries and members of our own tribe slightly differently than others in the same tribe. Or, think of it like this. If each of us could invite 20 people to a dinner party, we’d all have about 12-15 of the same people on our invite list, but the other ones would vary. This, however, is the very factor that keeps the tribes interesting and prevents stagnation. We don’t want to get sick of each other.

    Another point that I’ve made over and over again is that one of the reasons that dating can be somewhat challenging for me is because of my tribe. I have been blessed with great friends, and my free time is limited. If someone can’t interest me enough to make me want to spend a fraction of my free time with him rather than with my friends, what’s the point? Similarly, he should like my friends, because they are a huge part of my life.

    So — come and meet my tribe. I’m thinking of having a tribal gathering soon . . . stay tuned!

  • Where Everybody Knows Your Name . . . and Your Business

    At one point when I was dating the bartender, I mentioned that I had stopped in and had a drink on one of the nights he wasn’t working. To my pleasant surprise, when I asked for the check, I was handed an empty billfold. When I tried to leave a tip, I got chastised. I reported this back to the bartender, who replied, “the only reason you’re drinking for free is because you’re my girlfriend.” After taking the opportunity to point out that he was the one who constantly insisted that I wasn’t, in fact, his girlfriend, I said that I didn’t think that he was right — that I had actually become friendly with enough other folks there that they treated me well because I was a regular, and because they liked me. He didn’t buy it.

    Guess what — I was right. Not that there was any real doubt, mind you. Every single time I go in there, I am treated extremely well, and feel incredibly welcome and comfortable. The other night, however, I was given service that went above and beyond the call of duty.

    I had just finished having a drink with a friend, who had left, leaving a seat open next to me. I decided to stay for dinner, so I pulled out my magazine and continued to drink my wine. Suddenly, in walks another woman that the bartender had dated. We had met several times before, as she also lives in the neighborhood. Not only is she married (which should tell you something about the bartender, not to mention how appalled I am at my choice to date said bartender), but she is an awful person. She is not pleasant, not friendly, not interesting, nothing. I was introduced to her at least five times before she acknowledged having met me before. She proceeded to start talking to me and asking if I had heard from the bartender. I answered politely, but kept trying to return to my New Yorker and my wine, so I could sit in peace. One of the bartenders came over to take my order, and I must have given him a look that communicated how miserable I was on so many levels to be sitting next to this horrific woman. He, of course, also knew about each of us having dated the bartender, etc. Within two minutes, the bar manager came over and said, “Laren, a seat just opened up next to the folks you wanted to talk to at the other end of the bar. You’d better hurry down there before the seat gets taken.” “Thanks, Dennis,” I replied, and quickly hustled as far away as I could.

    As I got down to the other end of the bar, they were just pulling a stool up to the end of the bar, trying to squish me in. I couldn’t stop laughing — I had been rescued. I thanked Bill and Dennis profusely. They said that they knew I’d do the same for them, and that I deserved it. On top of it all, they were very generous with the wine (as always). I left them a HUGE tip.

    Don’t forget to tip your bartenders, folks. They’re great people to have in your corner.

    otto_homepic.gif

  • Where Everybody Knows Your Name . . . and Your Business

    At one point when I was dating the bartender, I mentioned that I had stopped in and had a drink on one of the nights he wasn’t working. To my pleasant surprise, when I asked for the check, I was handed an empty billfold. When I tried to leave a tip, I got chastised. I reported this back to the bartender, who replied, “the only reason you’re drinking for free is because you’re my girlfriend.” After taking the opportunity to point out that he was the one who constantly insisted that I wasn’t, in fact, his girlfriend, I said that I didn’t think that he was right — that I had actually become friendly with enough other folks there that they treated me well because I was a regular, and because they liked me. He didn’t buy it.

    Guess what — I was right. Not that there was any real doubt, mind you. Every single time I go in there, I am treated extremely well, and feel incredibly welcome and comfortable. The other night, however, I was given service that went above and beyond the call of duty.

    I had just finished having a drink with a friend, who had left, leaving a seat open next to me. I decided to stay for dinner, so I pulled out my magazine and continued to drink my wine. Suddenly, in walks another woman that the bartender had dated. We had met several times before, as she also lives in the neighborhood. Not only is she married (which should tell you something about the bartender, not to mention how appalled I am at my choice to date said bartender), but she is an awful person. She is not pleasant, not friendly, not interesting, nothing. I was introduced to her at least five times before she acknowledged having met me before. She proceeded to start talking to me and asking if I had heard from the bartender. I answered politely, but kept trying to return to my New Yorker and my wine, so I could sit in peace. One of the bartenders came over to take my order, and I must have given him a look that communicated how miserable I was on so many levels to be sitting next to this horrific woman. He, of course, also knew about each of us having dated the bartender, etc. Within two minutes, the bar manager came over and said, “Laren, a seat just opened up next to the folks you wanted to talk to at the other end of the bar. You’d better hurry down there before the seat gets taken.” “Thanks, Dennis,” I replied, and quickly hustled as far away as I could.

    As I got down to the other end of the bar, they were just pulling a stool up to the end of the bar, trying to squish me in. I couldn’t stop laughing — I had been rescued. I thanked Bill and Dennis profusely. They said that they knew I’d do the same for them, and that I deserved it. On top of it all, they were very generous with the wine (as always). I left them a HUGE tip.

    Don’t forget to tip your bartenders, folks. They’re great people to have in your corner.

    otto_homepic.gif

  • OJ — more details

    First of all — what is OJ? OJ stands for October soJourn, due to a not-so-firm grasp of the English language. It is an annual pilgrimage to the woods, where anywhere from a dozen to twenty people gather to frolick, feast, and sometimes fornicate. Most often, though, a bunch of us rent a large farmhouse for a weekend, there is very little sex (well, that might be an overstatement), but heaps of food, music, and hugs. (Awww).

    The big focus this year, due to the crappy weather, was the feast. Organized by Chef John, almost everyone played the role of sous/prep chef at some point during the day. The menu:

  • roast leg of lamb with fennel butter [picture] [recipe]
  • saffron orzo with asparagus and prosciutto [picture] [recipe]
  • gratin of yukon gold potatoes, bacon and arugula (an annual favorite)
  • Cuban pork roast (also served at the feast at Bates)

    Doug made the desserts:

  • apple pie with cheddar cheese crust
  • flourless chocolate cake
  • pound cake

    Needless to say, we were very happy. And very full.

    Every year, no matter what other crap is going on in my life, OJ is one of those times where I am extremely thankful (warning — sap alert! stop reading if you begin to vomit). As I might have mentioned before, I have some amazing, giving, caring, trustworthy, generous, smart, funny, and talented friends. All of these qualities come out during OJ. We cook together, sing together, clean up together, laugh together, and still come back for more each year. It is always such a welcome respite from work, my shitty dates (or lack thereof), the grind of daily life in NYC, and whatever else is going on in the real world.

    Thanks to my favorite people for yet another relaxing, fun, food, and love-filled OJ.

    Word to your mother.
    –Larenator

  • OJ 2003

    A full account of OJ 2003 is to come later, but I wanted to let folks know that the photos are up. I’m still renaming the pictures and playing with the format a little, but they are now available for your viewing pleasure.


    103_0383.jpg

  • Tonight, I Celebrate!

    Tonight, I will go to OTTO. As some of you may know, I have been somewhat of a regular there since the blizzard back in February, partially because I love the food and wine, partially because of the proximity to my apartment, but mostly, because I was dating one of the bartenders.

    He no longer works there.

    And what does this mean? This means that I can go there anytime, without having to watch him constantly flirt with and hit on other women; without having to beat myself up if he invites himself over for the night when he gets off work and I allow him to come over, even though we are officially “just friends.” It’s all good. Plus, at this point, I know many of the staff there, so every visit is extremely pleasant — people saying hello, etc. Even one of my neighbors works there!

    It’s a great bar — see you there!


    eno_anime.gif

  • Whirlwind Weekend

    It is fascinating to me how our minds and bodies interact with each other. Similarly, I find it interesting how what is going on emotionally manifests itself physically. This weekend started off brilliantly. I was going to Maine for Rosh Hashanah. I have been somewhat stressed out at work lately (ah, the Lost Post), and have been utterly preoccupied. So — when I made my reservation for a car service to take me to the airport at the crack of dawn on Friday, I automatically made the reservation for Newark.

    Needless to say, when I arrived at Newark airport and stuck my credit card in the machine, it did not recognize my reservation. This is because my flight was out of LaGuardia. Fuck. I attempted to be very Zen about the whole thing. “No problem,” I thought, “I have plenty of time, and I’m in no rush.” I took a cab back into the city, back out to LaGuardia. Missed my flight by 5 minutes. “Zen,” I remind myself. “You MORON!” screams my internal critic. After a minor breakdown and the $80 cab ride, I reschedule my flight and attempt to sleep in the rows of chairs that have armrests on every seat so that you can’t lie down on them.

    Zen. So this is how stress manifests itself.

    The weekend got better from there, thankfully. I finally made it to Portland (where there is only one airport, BTW), and drove up to Bates to see my brother. We cooked a HUGE Cuban meal for 20 of his closest friends, and then I joined everyone to go see his band, Mango Quickly, play.

    Returning back to Portland the next day, was reunited with a guy I haven’t seen in probably about 20 years. Our families are very close friends, and he had an interview in Portland on Monday. He wanted to come up early to check out the city. It was so bizarre to get to know someone as an adult whom you had only known as a child. Bizarre, but fun. And interesting.

    I made it back to NYC without incident — whew.

  • It’s official — my life is now mainstream

    Gothamist highlights the fact that now US News says internet dating is okay. Thank god. I was so worried.

    In other exciting news, going to see Elvis tonight. Woo hoo!

    020429.musicians_02.jpg

  • Introspection and shit

    It has been a spectacular week. One of those weeks when you sit and wonder who the fuck fell asleep in the control room. So now what. It’s time for a major life shift. I can feel it, in the same way I could feel the hint of the nippy fall air when I woke up this morning.

    It’s time for a rededication — to take care of myself physically and emotionally, to reach out to all of my friends, to be the positive person I know I can be.

    smile.jpg

    (have I made you barf yet?)

    Sounds very self-help/pop-psychology 101, I know, but it’s true. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself, get out there, and live my crazy, fucked up life, enjoying every minute of it.

    Amen.

  • And don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!

    The lost post. Following the advice of a friend, I took this post down, but I wanted to leave the title to mark its place and for posterity’s sake . . .