I am a junkie.

I will admit it. I am addicted to reading advice columns. What is it about reading advice columns that I enjoy, you may ask. Well, I had never really thought about it until this very moment. Perhaps it’s the kinship — oh, I’ve been in a situation just like that; perhaps it’s the curiosity — what kinds of life problems are others facing?; perhaps it’s the problem solving aspect — now, how would I answer that? Or, most likely, it’s a little word I learned courtesy of the folks at Avenue Q — schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude — n. Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.

I read and have read many advice columns in my day. The first guilty pleasure that I started reading on a regular basis was Dear Mr. Blue, by Garrison Keillor, on Salon. Now, he’s a well-respected guy, right? That’s “acceptable” reading material, right? Unfortunately, the rest of my fixes aren’t so “acceptable.” They include Get Naked, from Time Out New York, and the Em and Lo Down, from Nerve. I read those, of course, for the pure entertainment value.

Advice columns can provide a great service to society. Take, for example, Go Ask Alice, a site that was originally designed to offer advice to Columbia students, but has since expanded to answer questions from folks well beyond the confines of Columbia’s campus.

Today’s advice included my usual, Since You Asked (which took the place of Dear Mr. Blue), and a great column from The Morning News, which made me laugh (well, more like cackle or chortle) out loud. Not so great at work.

Need advice? Send me your questions and I will impart my great wisdom upon you.

I am a junkie.

I will admit it. I am addicted to reading advice columns. What is it about reading advice columns that I enjoy, you may ask. Well, I had never really thought about it until this very moment. Perhaps it’s the kinship — oh, I’ve been in a situation just like that; perhaps it’s the curiosity — what kinds of life problems are others facing?; perhaps it’s the problem solving aspect — now, how would I answer that? Or, most likely, it’s a little word I learned courtesy of the folks at Avenue Q — schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude — n. Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.

I read and have read many advice columns in my day. The first guilty pleasure that I started reading on a regular basis was Dear Mr. Blue, by Garrison Keillor, on Salon. Now, he’s a well-respected guy, right? That’s “acceptable” reading material, right? Unfortunately, the rest of my fixes aren’t so “acceptable.” They include Get Naked, from Time Out New York, and the Em and Lo Down, from Nerve. I read those, of course, for the pure entertainment value.

Advice columns can provide a great service to society. Take, for example, Go Ask Alice, a site that was originally designed to offer advice to Columbia students, but has since expanded to answer questions from folks well beyond the confines of Columbia’s campus.

Today’s advice included my usual, Since You Asked (which took the place of Dear Mr. Blue), and a great column from The Morning News, which made me laugh (well, more like cackle or chortle) out loud. Not so great at work.

Need advice? Send me your questions and I will impart my great wisdom upon you.

The Onion | America’s Finest News Source

45-Year-Old Fails To Make Someone
Very Happy One Day
NEW MEADOWS, ID In spite of predictions to the contrary, Larry Naering, a 45-year-old research scientist, has failed to make someone very happy one day, his mother Nancy reported Monday. “He’s always been such a handsome, responsible boy,” said Nancy, who used to look forward to having grandchildren. “I always told him that some girl was going to discover a real hidden treasure if she took the time to look at him. I guess I was wrong.” Nancy said her son’s chances of finding that one-in-a-million love have dwindled to one in 50 billion.

The Onion | America’s Finest News Source

45-Year-Old Fails To Make Someone
Very Happy One Day
NEW MEADOWS, ID In spite of predictions to the contrary, Larry Naering, a 45-year-old research scientist, has failed to make someone very happy one day, his mother Nancy reported Monday. “He’s always been such a handsome, responsible boy,” said Nancy, who used to look forward to having grandchildren. “I always told him that some girl was going to discover a real hidden treasure if she took the time to look at him. I guess I was wrong.” Nancy said her son’s chances of finding that one-in-a-million love have dwindled to one in 50 billion.

This is Lucy, my parents’ dog. I am seriously considering giving up on men completely and just getting a dog. They are loyal, adorable, smart, and will love you unconditionally. They do, however, have to be housebroken. I guess there are pros and cons to both . . .

This is Lucy, my parents’ dog. I am seriously considering giving up on men completely and just getting a dog. They are loyal, adorable, smart, and will love you unconditionally. They do, however, have to be housebroken. I guess there are pros and cons to both . . .

My friend’s response to my wise-ass comment about being “truly available” in the previous post:

Yes, and I want to be there for that moment.
x

Love you, Coda!

My friend’s response to my wise-ass comment about being “truly available” in the previous post:

Yes, and I want to be there for that moment.
x

Love you, Coda!

I have the best friends in the world. I truly do. For my birthday last year, my friend Jay colluded to get 22 people, including my brother and sister, to all chip in to buy me an iPod. I had mentioned to him in passing one day that I wanted to save up for one. Every time I listen to it, I realize how fortunate I am.

My wonderful, giving, supportive friends, however, are not always the best in giving dating advice. I am slowly becoming the minority among my friends as they all are pairing off. They all swear up and down they are going to set me up with someone, despite the fact that all their friends are in a relationship or gay. They give me insightful advice:

i’m sure, if you make your self truly available, that a good relationship is around the corner.

my response:

How do I make myself “truly available?” Does that involve standing on the street, naked, shouting “are there any normal, non-committment-phobic, straight men over the age of 30 in this godforsaken city?” I’m not sure I’m ready for that at the moment.

Okay, okay, that’s a little unfair. They all mean well, but it doesn’t get me any closer to finding a healthy, stable relationship with a cute, smart, funny, outgoing guy with solid values. Where are these people hiding? Certainly not online. I’m done with that. My dad suggested “trying new activities.” Well, the two activities that have taken up most of my time in the past few years are cycling — primarily AIDS Rides — and self-defense. So I have met great gay men and straight women, none of whom seem to have any appropriate straight male friends.

Where does this leave me? I will keep trying. I will persevere. I will NOT give up.

I am, however, making a long reading list and finding projects for the winter that I can complete while never leaving my apartment, just in case . . .

I have the best friends in the world. I truly do. For my birthday last year, my friend Jay colluded to get 22 people, including my brother and sister, to all chip in to buy me an iPod. I had mentioned to him in passing one day that I wanted to save up for one. Every time I listen to it, I realize how fortunate I am.

My wonderful, giving, supportive friends, however, are not always the best in giving dating advice. I am slowly becoming the minority among my friends as they all are pairing off. They all swear up and down they are going to set me up with someone, despite the fact that all their friends are in a relationship or gay. They give me insightful advice:

i’m sure, if you make your self truly available, that a good relationship is around the corner.

my response:

How do I make myself “truly available?” Does that involve standing on the street, naked, shouting “are there any normal, non-committment-phobic, straight men over the age of 30 in this godforsaken city?” I’m not sure I’m ready for that at the moment.

Okay, okay, that’s a little unfair. They all mean well, but it doesn’t get me any closer to finding a healthy, stable relationship with a cute, smart, funny, outgoing guy with solid values. Where are these people hiding? Certainly not online. I’m done with that. My dad suggested “trying new activities.” Well, the two activities that have taken up most of my time in the past few years are cycling — primarily AIDS Rides — and self-defense. So I have met great gay men and straight women, none of whom seem to have any appropriate straight male friends.

Where does this leave me? I will keep trying. I will persevere. I will NOT give up.

I am, however, making a long reading list and finding projects for the winter that I can complete while never leaving my apartment, just in case . . .